Food Wars
by vader13289
Summary: Ronald and Sanders get #SALTY and try to kill each other. Rated M For McDonald's.
1. Part 1

Colonel Sander's private airplane landed outside of the KFC International Headquarters. The plane's door opened and Colonel Sanders walked out, much to his assistant's dismay. Greg Creed, the assistant, had called the Colonel there for the monthly KFC Board meeting. "Sir", Greg said to the Colonel, "the Board members are waiting for you in the main office." Colonel Sanders looked at Greg with a frown. "This better be good!", Sanders said. "I'm missing Reba in concert for this." Greg and the Colonel walked up to the front entrance of the headquarters. Suddenly, the KFC International Headquarters exploded.

Sanders awakened from his unconsciousness. He as laying on the floor, blood covering his white suit. He then saw Greg out of the corner of his eye, also laying on the ground. The Colonel crawled over to him and checked his pulse. Greg was dead. Sanders laid his head down on Greg's chest and began crying. He sat there crying at his lost headquarters for what seemed like minutes. Then, Sanders heard something. He looked up. Leaving the site is what appeared to be Officer Big Mac, accompanied by the Happy Meal Gang. Colonel pulled out a handgun from his left pocket and headshot Officer Big Mac, spraying his condiments everywhere. He then individually shot every member of the Happy Meal Gang, from the Hamburger to the Toy. The Colonel couldn't believe that his friend Ronald would betray him like this. But, he was gonna get back at Ronald one day. One day very soon...


	2. Part 2

Ronald McDonald was at the McDonalds' International Space Station interviewing Lil Pump for a new Happy Meal toy deal. "So", Ronald began, "we've been thinking about doing a cross-promotion with nerf for this. We can have the toy you fire nerf bullets instead of real bullets!" Lil Pump started to say things to Ronald that cannot be repeated here in this child-friendly environment. "We can't include a pack of crack with every toy!", Ronald screamed. "I don't wanna be sued again you frickin novice!" Lil Pump then pulled out his gun and tried to shoot Ronald. But Ronald, being the fastest shooter in the fast food industry, shot first. Lil Pump fell over, dead. Ronald then started talking to his bodyguard, Grimace. "Put him on some curb in L.A. and tell the press that Lamar did it.", Ronald said as he got up and left the room.

Once a month, the four biggest fast food companies' C.E.O.s would come together and reveal their profits from that month. Ronald Mcdonald, Colonel Sanders, the Burger King, and Wendy Thomas, all got together to brag about how much money they made. Typical for fast food chains. But, this meeting would be not like any other. For this was the meeting when Ronald and Sanders tried to kill each other.

Ronald walked into the room. He was shocked to see the Burger King and Wendy Thomas dead on the floor. He looked around. Standing in the back of the dark room was Sanders, holding a gun and with red blood staining his white suited. "You've gone to far this time Ron!", he yelled. "What did I frickin do this time Kernel Chicken!", Ronald said. "Don't take my name in vain!", Sanders replied. "I know you blew up my headquarters!" "I ain't done nothing to you Kernel Chicken!" Sanders threw away his gun and tackled Ronald to the floor, screaming, "Take that back you stupid clown-man!" "Never!", Ronald yelled back as he took out a McKnife and stabbed Sanders in the arm. Sanders let go as he started swearing under his breath in pain. "I don't know who blew up your stupid headquarters, but it sure as heck wasn't me!", Ronald screamed. But, Sanders started to chuckle. "Your to late.", he said. "I've already ordered a finger-lickin-good firing squad to go to every McDonalds in the state of New Mexico!" "Noooooooooooooooooooooo!", Ronald screamed at the top of his lungs. "That's where I get most of my money from mixed Spanish and Asian households!" Ronald punched Sanders in the face, knocking him out. Ronald then ran to the dor, intent on trying on stopping Sanders' plan.

New Mexico

Three men in chicken suits walked through the doors of a New Mexico. "Hello sir!", one of underpaid cashiers said. "Would you like to try one of our famous McNugget combo meals?" The man he asked responded by raising up his popcorn chicken launcher to the man's face and blowing it clean off. As employees and patrons screamed, the men began to open fire on the restaurant. Chicken and blood were everywhere. Finally, they were done. But, they decided to check around the place for the heck of it. They eventually found a teenage employee in the freezer. "What's your name?", one asked. "Gale!", she responded in an Australian accent. The men then started beating her head with drumsticks. Something snapped inside Gale that day. Something that would make her want to work at a Hot Topic. Suddenly, Gale heard gunshots. All three men fell down dead. She looked at who shot them. It was Ronald himself. Without saying a word, he holstered his gun and walked out of the store.

"Welp", Ronald said, "that should be the last of them." After hours of hard work, Ronald had finally stopped all the finger-lickin-good firing squads. Suddenly, Ronald got a newsflash on his phone. The reporter talked about how Colonel Sanders had leaked a video of Ronald McDonald cheating on his wife, Birdie the Early Bird, with Kim Kardashian. He then got a text from Birdie. It said, "I want a divorce." Ronald couldn't believe Sanders would do this to him. Leaving him alive was a mistake. One that would be soon corrected.


	3. Part 3

**FIVE YEARS LATER**

Ronald walked up to Colonel Sanders Museum in Corbin, Kentucky. It had taken him almost five years to get there. After his financial empire collapsed due to the Kardashian Controversy, he could no longer afford cars and airplanes. He had to become a trucker working ironically for KFC. He now wore flannel and a red beard/hat combo. But, after all that trouble, he was finally here. He was asked to make a delivery to the museum, but he was going to do more than that. He was going to kill Sanders. He knocked on the door. After a few seconds, Sanders opened it. "You must be the KFC delivery man.", Sanders said. "Yup,'' Ronald said, "I got your real meal for five bucks right here master!" "Gucci.", Sanders said with his high-class white trash smirk. Suddenly, Ronald whipped out an AK-47. Sanders ducked behind his fancy couch. "What the frick did I do!" "You know exactly what you did Kernel Chicken!" Realizing that the hobo was Ronald all along, Sanders tried to sweet talk him into leaving him alone. "Ronald I'm sorry about what happened five years ago!", He fearfully said. But, Ronald didn't listen to his petty human pleas. He kept firing until he had run out of ammo. When he went to reload, Sanders took his opportunity and got into his egg mech. Catching Ronald by surprise, he launches seven stun missiles, all but one hitting the hobo clown. Ronald fell over, stunned by the stun missiles. Getting out off his egg mech, Sanders ran over to Ronald, machete in hand. He raised it up, getting ready to deliver the final blow. Suddenly, an obese blob of purple trash emerged from the shadows. "Don't kill Ronald!", Grimace pleaded. "I blew up the headquarters!" While Sanders was distracted, Ronald got up and stole a hand-gun from Sanders' back-pocket before blowing his brains out. After Sanders' corpse fell to the ground, Ronald shot Grimace before leaving them both dead on the floor. The Food Wars were finally over.

Water bursted as a gigantic sack exploded. A figure emerged from the sack. The figure shambled over to the nearest mirror to look at it's new form. It looked almost exactly like Reba, but with the white hair and goatee of Colonel Sanders. The figure the began to maniacally. The Food Wars would never be over.

THE END?


End file.
